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well, at least i'm not vaping

from bummer vacation by summerbruise

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well, i wish that i could say
i've rebelled some other way
than something that'll kill my mom someday

but instead i line my lungs with tar
& imagine what you'd say
with spiteful satisfaction i take one more breath away

i saw you cry the day you found that coupon in the mail
it was addressed to your brother,
advertising some brand of cigarettes

i watched your heart break as you pictured his covered in sludge
& held you while you asked me why and how he could do that to himself
and you
and your mom
after he saw what it did to hers
i didn't have an answer then -- i was just as lost as you were

now here i am asking myself the exact same fucking thing
it's so hard to see the consequences
you made it hard to see anything

another bum, another drag, another guilty cough
i'll take myself away from you
instead of just taking off (like you)
no, i'll do it brick by brick, breath by breath
or lack thereof

i know you won't forgive me for this
i know that shouldn't help
but it does


from bummer vacation, released January 1, 2017


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