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Doggie Heaven

by Curse Words

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And I swore that I'd be more than a fucking mess after last year, but I'm still here writing shitty songs about people and places. If I wait for you, will you come back? I can't wait for you and I know that. If I wait for you, you won't come back. I can't wait for you and you know that. I swore that I'd be more than a sad excuse for company in my twenties. And I think I found where my comfort lies as we drive around at 3:00am in the winter with the windows cracked so the car won't smell like cigarettes in the morning.
I know there's better things to write about than wishing you were home. Now, every fall, all of my friends move away and that's got me thinking. In a few more years from now, will they come back? Soon I'm scared that I'll miss everything I hate. Fuck this place. If everyone can just walk out of each others lives, why can't you walk out of mine. In ten more years will I still wake up alone? In ten more years will I still wake up at all?
I've spent so much time in my head I've forgotten how to talk. Someone please save me from myself, I'm too afraid to ask for help. You ask me how I'm doing. I lie straight to your face. I need to find peace of mind, I need to find a better place. I'm dying slow, I'm dying slow, I'm dead.
Jason 03:26
If you had called someone else on those Friday nights would you still be alive? And would I still be fine? What if I could take back these past three years, where would I be now? I don't think we'll make it through these summer months and sometimes I find comfort in the thought that when you leave you might not come back.
I'm better than I was and I can't ask for much more than that. I don't see the seasons change the way I used to. I don't see life quite the same and as much as I want it all to end, I want it to begin. How come I never see you smile anymore, have you lost the drive to live your life the way you said you would? Please don't give up like I gave up. I don't want to die.
BF II 01:08
You said that you could not stay here. Well, I know. You need your space, a new place to call home. I know I'm a bitter a being. Maybe that's why... ...I used to be proud I knew when I took pride in myself. Now, I regret most things. Now, I regret most days. Now, I regret most days, regret those days. And I guess that time takes its toll and places change, but people don't.
The past few weeks I've been feeling a lot less like myself and a lot more like a child. I found comfort buried in your arms. I found home, but now it's gone.
I used to dream of when you'd come back, but lately I don't know how I would handle that. It's been three months and I'm not sure if I still miss you or it's the thought of having someone there to help me realize there's something more to live for. I gave up on god when she died on Easter Sunday. I gave up on life when I realized how little we mattered. If this is the best that things get then I guess I'll call it quits because I'm tired and selfish.
Saturday 04:10
I tore a page I can't replace. Erase this image. Shit won't change, it's just another day. Well, anyways


released January 8, 2018


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