bummer vacation

by summerbruise

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1.
01:48
when i can travel through time i won't bother going backwards to when things were better i'll just fast forward to the end of the world so that i can be sure i'm the only one you've got left or i suppose i could go to ancient rome and say the right things to get fed to the lions or kill some important emperor so you'd read about me at cornell or whatever maybe i'd go to the stone age where i'd be too hungry to worry and wonder where you are or what yr thinkin i'd just hunt and i'd gather and i'd know no different but i know one thing for sure i will avoid the future like the plague but that's nothing new -- i want nothing new what bothers me the most is before i thought to stop a plane crash or cure some disease i thought of you -- and what i could do really i'd go to any time, not just to find some clever way to die but to know that i wasn't right here and right now so the odds would increase that maybe you'd be there too
2.
i want my money back, every cent that i've spent every goddamn dollar and dime i used to want all these things that i've got, but now i've changed my mind so back up the truck you can have as much as you want, just cut me a check as long as when you're done there's nothing left lately i've been living like the candle is lit at both ends stepping on all the cracks that i can (when i'm not being carried by friends) they'll ask me why and i just reply "i guess for efficiency's sake" but really, it's just more fun this way this year was a freight train in a china shop with boarded windows and doors and i was a scam artist that picked up the shards and tried to sell them for more to any poor sap who still hadn't had the misfortune to meet me before so i could buy more liquor 'cause i hardly know her anymore you never liked the way that i looked & i hate that you couldn't admit it so i tried in his clothes to see if they'd fit to no one's surprise, they didn't and i have to say: i'm pretty ashamed of the ways that i found to compensate i just wanted to feel attractive today i'm not an extrovert; i'm a parasite i don't crave company; i need it devour my friends inside and out replace nothing after i eat it i'm ready and willing to be okay so why do you have to make me wait? i saw your new picture today this year was a freight train and you were the ropes that bonded me to the track while the new guy stood by silent black & white, twirled his mustache as he laughed at the poor sap who still hadn't had the closure he was promised but that's okay, i guess i can wait maybe next year you can be honest
3.
well, i wish that i could say i've rebelled some other way than something that'll kill my mom someday but instead i line my lungs with tar & imagine what you'd say with spiteful satisfaction i take one more breath away i saw you cry the day you found that coupon in the mail it was addressed to your brother, advertising some brand of cigarettes i watched your heart break as you pictured his covered in sludge & held you while you asked me why and how he could do that to himself and you and your mom after he saw what it did to hers i didn't have an answer then -- i was just as lost as you were now here i am asking myself the exact same fucking thing it's so hard to see the consequences you made it hard to see anything another bum, another drag, another guilty cough i'll take myself away from you instead of just taking off (like you) no, i'll do it brick by brick, breath by breath or lack thereof i know you won't forgive me for this i know that shouldn't help but it does
4.
02:01
mary and my gut both tell me: leave well enough alone but i just don't see how well enough could be alone so i call you from the couch there's some stuff i wanna talk about i pry open my mouth but what comes out was nothing that i meant to say -- just everything i ate that day 'cause the best laid plans of drunk and anxious often stop at getting drunk and anxious you know i'm no good at making plans wouldn't even be here if i didn't think you'd be i'd love to want to hide but i survive by being seen if only things were half as easy as you made them seem i'd worry less what feels the best and do what's best for me i don't sleep much anymore but i'm pretending more than ever
5.
nothing's ever really no one's fault and i can tell by the face you made when you tried to say that was the case that you just knew i already felt like shit and if we both know who's to blame for this then what's the point in either of us saying it? i thought chewing gum would help me stop grinding my teeth but now i've just got even more energy to grind the ones the gum doesn't reach yesterday was better than the day before but today didn't make it off the bedroom floor it turns out getting better was more like the eye of the storm or worse, it might have been the calm before these things come and go, or at least that's what they say but i'm starting to have my doubts 'cause it really seems like mine are here to stay still some days i have to take the longer way to work i'm always late but that's just the price i pay and even when she lets me stay the night my nightmares stay the same i guess some things really never change the clouds don't go away -- they just turn into rain, evaporate and come back another day
6.
03:12
it's one thing to create a monster but you made the mistake of leaving one for dead and if you read frankenstein in high school, i'm afraid you and i both know how this one's gonna end or at least what happens next i'm crawling toward h street eating candy that a stranger gave to me lost some friends, made some more, threw up on the red line tonight i am a monument a real sight to see back home things are back to normal, but it's still that stupid kind of normal that involves me waking up on my boss's bathroom floor well, i don't like my bed much anymore the old pictures of us don't even bum me out these days because i hate the old both of us it's all these new pictures of you who seemingly wants nothing to do with me for now i'll poke the bear when i show up here and there force you to ignore me instead of letting you forget me run into your friends and i'll recite what i've rehearsed say 'i'm fine' in just the way that says i'm not hoping that they might relay that back to you on the off chance that maybe just for once you might be not fine too why is this so easy for you? i guess nothing's gonna change your mind it seems like nothing's gonna change your mind well if nothing's gonna change you mind i wish something could at least change mine
7.
02:38
i don't remember much -- i've got you to thank for that too drunk to close the door and in the morning all our friends laughed but you just brushed them off you're pretty good at that you can have my last adderall it's probably the last thing i need if my car's gone in the morning then i guess i'll never leave i'll feed the cats & do the dishes & pick you up from class or spend all day locked in your bedroom counting circles on your ceiling waiting for you to come back you don't have to come back you can blame it all on me and my unrelenting tendency to seek out everything but what i need but if you do then i'm entitled to appreciate the irony that it turns out all i needed all along was to find someone who didn't need me i'm so glad you don't need me

credits

released January 1, 2017

mike - guitar/bass/vocals
castle - drums/vocals

recorded & mixed by wasim's gear and collectibles in michigan

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