1. |
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What the hell was I thinking?
This is too much too soon
All these people crowded in this tiny room
Does it help that I don’t know any of you?
Cuz I’ve gotta get over this stage fright some how
If I can do this in front of my mirror
Why can’t I just get this over with right now?
I’m just so scared that no one will care what I have to say
To you I’m just the opening act for the main stage
The pressure’s on to perform
I just want someone in this room to relate to this song
And feel a little less alone
So wish me luck
Curtains up
Let’s hope that I don’t choke on this one
It just occurred to me
That no one else is worrying
About the entire lack of community
And there aren’t too many people assuring me
That it’ll be alright
I guess no one wants to lie
Or maybe they really don’t have a thing to say about why our scene is this way
Every band just looks out for themselves
I see the same 3 on each bill
So I’ll just isolate myself from everyone
Because you don’t want to listen
You just want to have fun
The pressure’s on to perform
I just want someone in this room to relate to this song
And feel a little less alone
So wish me luck
Curtains up
Let’s hope that I don’t choke on this one
I hope you come up to me after our set and say
You are not alone
You never were
You never will be
Because you’ll always have me
You were never alone
Because I loved you all so much
And when times got rough
You were there for me
And I can’t thank you enough
You are not alone
You never were
You never will be
Because you’ll always have me
You were never alone
Because I loved you all so much
And when times got rough
You were there for me
And I can’t thank you enough
At the very least
If it brings your mind some peace
I think it would be better
If we just sit back and hate the world together
At the very least
If your anger doesn’t cease
I think it would be better
If we just sit back and hate the world together
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2. |
Germany, 1991
02:47
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Start from the beginning
'Cause even though I'd like you to believe
I came out swinging
It was more like a stumble, a trip, a fall
Through the floor and straight into a brick wall
And in this metaphor, my bones
Well, they never properly finished healing
But I'm not trying to say
My entire childhood was completely twisted and frayed
Just that it's hard to feel complete when you know you can't stay
The military decides in 2 years time
That you'll pack up and move a couple thousand miles away
To another commissary, another BX
Another 10 o'clock curfew
“You're all set!”
Another crush you'll watch from afar for another 2 years but never bed
'Nother batch of asshole airmen
Who think they're the reason we're still here, no
Just because you decided to enlist doesn't make you any kind of fucking hero
And all I wanted was a chance to care to memorize names and shake hands
Build this Family Bed for every friend I never really met
The kind of bond you find early on that doesn't have any boundaries or quotas
Something like Walter and Jesse
Or-wait! no no no!
Probably more like Logan and Dakota
(What the fuck is wrong with me?)
(What the fuck is wrong with me?)
(What the fuck is wrong with me?)
I'm surrounded by familiar faces and I still feel lonely
(What the fuck is wrong with me?)
I got my roots planted firmly
Got the support I said I would need
And I should be happy with what I got
But I'm not
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3. |
The American Way
03:17
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Will someone give me the details
About when men decided that they could control
The reproductive rights of a female
Spewing hatred towards the ladies
When none of them could ever have babies
Boasting shady so called facts
Claiming they’re doing god’s work
But taking away more than they’ll ever give back
So condemn your friends for daring to step in
And defend and embrace their sexuality
But your bros can fuck as many women as they please
While failing to see the dichotomy
Between what they’re doing and these women they’re slut shaming
Whose fault is it really?
Will someone speak up so I know who I should be blaming
Because they said I could hear freedom ring
And I could be anything
But they forgot to say unless you’re a woman, black, or gay
Because, hey hey, that’s the American way
And will someone tell me why it’s assumed that because I’m black
I must smoke weed, do a little crack
Each so much fried chicken that I’m destined for a heart attack
Cuz I wear old man glasses
And my pants high watered but these southern gentlemen still believe
I want to rob their houses and fuck their daughters
Or that I look like a mix of Urkel and Carlton
But they’ll still label me a crook
So if it’s like that then for the record
Real thugs read books
And if they could only see
That my own people give me the same dirty looks
For not being black enough or my parents moving up
From the opportunities they took
I guess I’ll never be off the hook
Because they said I could hear freedom ring
And I could be anything
But they forgot to say unless you’re a woman, black, or gay
Because, hey hey, that’s the American way
So who has the right to say
That someone can’t get married because they’re gay
How do you expect respect if you handle things that way
You can’t just punish others for not abiding by your beliefs
I know you want a christian nation
But look at what this country wants versus what it really needs
You spend so much timing teaching that being gay is wrong
But these kids can barely read, do simple math, or pay attention for too long
So I want apologize because if I said it then I fucking meant it
And if you’ve got a problem with that
We’ll take it out back
And get you acquainted with the cement, kid
Because they said I could hear freedom ring
And I could be anything
But they forgot to say unless you’re a woman, black, or gay
Because, hey hey, that’s the American way
Yeah, hey hey, it’s the American way
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4. |
Not Black Enough
04:27
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Hey man, we need to talk
And this time I’ll try not yelling
I just don’t appreciate remarks
About how ‘real black people’ are jive talking fatherless felons
Who the fuck are you to tell me I’m not black enough?
Cuz if I lost my cool in the eyes of the law I’d be 2 shades too dark to trust
Being black isn’t getting to use the N word
Honestly I’d prefer if no one said it all
No, being black isn’t wearing a ‘Free Chief Keef’ tall t-shirt
Waiting for your father or parole officer to call
No, that’s not it
Hey man, you’re kind of an asshole
For thinking it’s cool to say that shit
I never fucking asked you
Your opinions on Tyler Perry or interracial relationships
Or how bad you want to fuck a black girl
Because objectification’s some accomplishment
Or how easy I must have it
Because what’s in my pants must be really big
But being black isn’t having a 12 inch dick
Although I’ve let the assumption get me laid more times than I care to admit
No, being black isn’t being a mad woman
Having to trick or gold dig to support hood rat kids
No, that’s not it
So hey man, don’t you dare tell me what I am
I’m not your oreo or a coconut
Or whatever clever euphemisms you make up
I know it’s hard to believe
But we’re not all the same
I don’t need your insight on my people’s pop culture
Let that sink in
I’m black
And most days I’m proud to be
Proud of our culture, proud of or history
But that doesn’t solely define me
I refuse to let my skin color become my identity
Or whatever else you want to try to use to confine me
So who are you to tell me I’m not black enough?
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5. |
Dear
03:31
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You finally realize what I’m capable of
It only took the slice from my knife and your blood to hit the rug
It’s funny, a second ago you were asking me to leave
Now you’re begging me to stay to help you breathe
Are you finally ready to talk?
Before you didn’t have much to say
You took my kindness for weakness so I’ll take this the long way
You were someone’s little precious girl
Their gleaming, darling pearl
Not ready to leave this world
You say you wish you told your family you love them
And that you never should’ve put work above them
You’re making excuses and swearing that you’ll solve them
But, like you told me, “Kid, that’s just not my problem”
Round the stairs up to your apartment
With something I should have left in the glove compartment
Room 212, that’s you on the top floor
A condescending look greets me as you open the door
You don’t want to but you invite me to your kitchen
I say, “We need to talk and I’d really like you to listen”
You find some rude remark you think is funny to snap back
You always cut me off
You know I fucking hate that
And now the blood in my face is swelling
My fight or flight is sure as hell telling
You’re laughing in my face, this is accomplishing nothing
Before I know it I just start cutting
And it feels so good to make you cry, to make you bleed
The look in your eyes as you grow weak
Pull up and put the car in park
Take a second alone to think in the dark
There are only 2 ways that this can go
Yeah, I’ll bring it this time but it’s just for show
I’d like to have a real conversation instead
I swear this time I won’t lose my head
Because if I do with you
You’re better off dead
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6. |
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I want to know what makes you tick
I want to know what would make your sister sick
If she knew all the things that you’re into
I want to know what you fantasize
So dirty you think you have to lie
I want to be your white rabbit
Uncover every filthy habit
That’s only meant for your eyes
I want to know who you met last week
The one you tied down and wouldn’t let speak
You say you got real mean but you wrapped up clean
Some excuse for these bad, bad things
So bad that Sean Bonette wouldn’t dare sing
Or write about because it’d make his stomach turn
His eyes burn
His ring
His nose bleed
I want to know what makes your breathing loud
What makes your back sweat and your fingers wet
I want to know the things that won’t make your parents proud
I want to know what makes you cum
I want to know what make your legs go numb
And if you’re ashamed
Are you ashamed?
There’s always something to blame
There’s always something to blame
There’s always someone to blame
I only ask cuz I got nothing to blame
I got no one to blame
And I’m so ashamed
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7. |
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Nights like this are what I miss
The most about this place
Isn’t that a shame?
Everything I need is right here
Between the trees
You’re all already with me
My car, my guitar, and some friends
God knows I don’t have many of them
But we swore that we’d change the world with peace
Bit by bit
But we quickly learned that only the young and sheltered
Believe that shit
All the time I feel so overwhelmed
I want to make a difference in this world
But my face, it tells
Another story
This isn’t for me
I should give up
I’ll never live up
To those long dead heroes we looked up to
And if it’s just between me and you
There’s nothing I can do
You put your faith in me but it’s a waste you see
I’m stuck at the bottom of the hill
I don’t want make you mad or let you down
But I know I will
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8. |
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What do you get when you spend your entire life over a safety net
With the same few people under the same church steeple every Sunday evening
And what do you get when acquire debt because you’re told to
To go to school because you’re told to
Become like like a fucking accountant or something, I guess
And what do you get when you mix boredom and ignorance
With white kids who get it in there heads
That they can say certain words because there’s no one there to check them on their shit
Suburbia, I gave you nothing
And now I’m all I want to be
Hold on to that depression and monotony because…
I’m sick of these traditions that don’t mean anything
Weekend warriors with their boring routines
Like only going out to the same 3 bars
Because the struggle is real because you drank too much to fill your car
When I’d suggest that you just take the bus
You’d scoff because, “The city is already dangerous enough!”
How do you think that you’re so cultured when you’ve never left the midwest
Oh, and since your parents are here you don’t want us to cuss at all during our set
Fuck
I’ve got this friend who doesn’t have much in common with people he’s known for years on end
But he’s comfortable and trying to improve his situation sounds like too much hard work anyway
Someones ‘we rode the bus together!’ doesn’t translate to best friends forever
Believe it or not, there’s more than the town you grew up in waiting for you with your funeral plot
Fuck loitering outside McDonalds and strip malls
And settling down with the first person bored enough to give you a call
There’s more to see and do that’s iconic
There’s more than listening to shitty pop music because you think it’s ironic
There’s more than this
All this basicness surrounding me
And I don’t care that Avatar is your fucking favorite movie
Are you kidding me?!
Oh my god
There was something in the way you said
“I love my wife and kids I just can’t keep the thought from my head
Thoughts of doing things differently
Doing what I wanted, not what’s expected of me
I could’ve traveled abroad when I was younger man
Now I have to pay off this house, a car, and a cable plan
The bills stack up for shit I don’t really need
But at least I paid off that plot in my cemetery”
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9. |
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Everyone’s too sad or too sick
Or they just don’t give a shit about whose playing tonight in Kansas City
Unless it’s on 103, The Buzz, or some DIY basement sludge
And that, well that’s when it hit me
I don’t have any real friends
All I’ve got are these acquaintances
And none of them could care less
And somehow I’ve been okay with it
Until now
I went to the Tiny Moving Parts show last night
And I swear that it changed my life
And the entire concept of friendship to me
Like how we should hang out outside of work to do more than get fucked up and party
Because when I left a small town for the city
I thought something big would change within
And I’d be the everyman of this town
But what I was thinking
Going from a branch on a well rooted tree
To a grain of sand on the biggest beach
Where no one’s sure if they’re leaving or sticking around
Will you stick around?
And everyone I know is listening to Skrillex and Waka Flocka Flame
In fact the only records they actually own are Mumford & Sons, Odd Future, and Lil Wayne
They’re rather blow their money in Westport on molly and weed
Than go see a movie or go to the aquarium with me
And I just-
Well wait a second
What if I’ve been blowing people off like that too?
What if someone’s really needed my support or just wanted to spend time with me?
You know, it’s funny. I write so many songs about all these assholes I know
But I never stop to think about why I know so many
Maybe I should spend more time trying to meet other artists
Instead of trying to get the wrong people to like me
I went to the Tiny Moving Parts show last week
And I guess that I didn’t learn a god damn thing
I spent the last 12 years just taking whoever came to me
But now I see that it’s a 2 way street
Last month I left the Tiny Moving Parts show without a doubt
That I had everything all figured out
It turns out that we accept the love we think we deserve
But we deserve so much more
I just want to make friends
And build some lasting relationships
Because a military life fucked that up for me
And it turns out there aren’t many perks of being a wallflower
Or letting other people and liquor take the lead
We’ve gotta speak for ourselves
Because we get too comfortable
Doing these things we’ve always done with people that we don’t actually know
And I want to make friends
And build some lasting relationships
Being a wallflower isn’t working out for me
And I accept that I’m that grain of sand along the beach
And there’s no reason to be so terrified of the sea
I will let it take me
And whatever will be, will be
Yeah, whatever will be, will be
We will be
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10. |
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I think that I got too good at writing ‘Fuck You’s’
I think I need a bigger challenge now
And honestly, it’s a little past due
Getting to the root of the problem to finally work this out
I decided to make a list of the things that make me angry
Like the looks I get when people find out that I’m an atheist
I thought that’d change when I moved from Mississippi
And I hate that there are only 2 people here that really get me
I mean one I’m dating so it’s kind of a job requirement
But Jon lives too far away to see
Well not really, it’s just that the state took my license away from me
So fuck the police
… Even though I was completely in the wrong
So I wake up and ask myself is this where I want to be
Even though I’ve got a steady job, a couple friends, and family
That doesn’t change that I don’t belong
Me and these right wing politics don’t get along
If I’m not happy here I should do what’s best for me
And leave
And I hate that I walk a block and end up in fucking Kansas
Home to a church that makes me more than just uncomfortable
Or the blatant hate from their so called representatives
Everything is exactly what it looks like
And everyone is exactly who they seem to be
Call me a quitter but it’s just not working
I need some true blue scenery
So I wake up and ask myself is this where I want to be
Even though I’ve got a steady job, a couple friends, and family
That doesn’t change that I don’t belong
Me and these right wing politics don’t get along
If I’m not happy here I should do what’s best for me
And leave
If you want to go then go if you think that’s right for you
If you want to go then go, just know where you’ll end up and what you’ll do
If you want to go then go if you think that’s right for you
Well I want to go so I’ll go
But where to?
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11. |
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It’s gotta be on the ocean
One I don’t have to sneak in
With a neighborhood I’d be proud to call my home
Clashing cultures, real diversity
A place where white people won’t ask to touch my hair when it gets long
While I’m hearing dreaming too big
Less dad jeans, more drag queens
And 24/7 take out’s a requirement
While I’m here dreaming too big
More adventure, less pretenders
Whose idea of fun is going to the mall
And there have to be trees
Wilderness around the city
I love the night life
But sometimes you gotta get away to rivers and mountain expanses
And it’s gotta be miles away from any midwest suburb or southern bay
Where I’ll never again have to step food in Mississippi or Kansas
And while I’m here dreaming too big
I’d love to live on the east coast
Living cheap though I know those 2 birds are hard to kill
Am I really dreaming too big?
There’s nothing holding me back but myself
If I don’t do this now, I never will
If you want to go then go if you think that’s right for you
If you want to go then go, just know where you’ll end up and what you’ll do
If you want to go then go if you think that’s right for you
Well I want to go so I’ll go
So I’m heading out and I’m a bit nervous
Everything that I know is here
But deep down I know it’s worth it
What’s a little adventure without some fear?
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12. |
The Come Up
03:14
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Looking back a few years ago
When I first moved to KCMO
I thought I’d never be happy again
And now I see what I needed
I went from being homeless on Jeff’s couch
To getting my own loft downtown
3rd floor with a view
Of a skyline I’ll soon be leaving
I hope I never have to write these songs again
I want to give people a chance and not be so full of hate
I want to leave the bible belt and rub it in their face
I want to have some hope in the human race again
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